The Zelda Awards, Part 2

There is a LOT of stuff in Zelda. A LOT. This will not be the last entry.

Best Non-Ganon Villain

There's more than one son of a bitch in Hyrule who tries to conquer everything and bring chaos. These may be secondary, but they might equally be the only guy you actually pay attention to. Majora's Mask isn't included since I haven't played that game.

I put Beldam last. You remember Beldum? No? There's a reason. He was the main villain in Phantom Hourglass, but was nothing compared to Ganondorf and so undeveloped it's a little sad. He provides a dang interesting final battle, but he still comes at the bottom of the list.

From Twilight Princess, we have the Twilight Usurper Zant. He was a self-entitled whiner who got uppity about not controlling the twilight and borrowed Ganondorf's power to take it by force. Why is he second from the bottom? Because he really goes downhill the more you learn about him. Halfway through, the scene at the lake has him effortlessly undo everything you have just done whilst taunting Midna with smooth badassery. Near the end, he's twirling around the room and moaning about you reclaiming the throne he stole, thinking Ganon controlling him is a partnership. If a villain goes insane, he has to stay cool.

And then comes Ghirahim. This whole thing was made because of a debate I got in about Zant vs Ghirahim. From Skyward Sword, we have a living tool who was jeering and calm when it suits him, able to steal a sword from you and use it as his weapon. Then he starts stripping and busting moves and being much less calm, but he's always so smooth he remains badass. He sends waves of enemies at you just to buy time, creates a game of stabbing sword sumo. He knows he's a tool, and he lives to work towards this. And every time I fight him or see him in a cutscene, I enjoy it. It was two against one supporting Zant in the debate, and heavily justified.

But one guy trumped the debate. He was mentioned, discussed, and agreed to be awesome. King Bulbin, also from Twilight Princess, is the guy who kidnaps your friends, jousts you twice, duels you twice and only says the following: "Enough! I fight for the strongest side. That is all I've ever known". He's fun to fight before he's developed, one dialogue box is used to develop him and he's a perfectly believable character. Bulbin was far better than the supposed penultimate boss.

Best Old Maid Character

This happens so often. An old character provides wisdom to you, guiding you on your quest and giving a sense of age to the world you're in. And we love them for that. Okay, not THAT many, but there's still a good number.

The closest OOT had was Rauru, who showed up once. There's a lot of characters who take on small sections of advice for you, but no single Old Maid character. And thinking of it, the closest you have in TP is Impaz/Renado, and they're not quite there. So we bring you the others.

Spirit Tracks brings Anjeen, the Lokomo maid who can maintain a prison and try and fight a poopface at the same time. She acts cheekily when giving the advice she has, not so subtly makes Zelda follow you, and is a pretty cool character. Not much happens, though, so she comes here.

Then there's Oshus from Phantom Hourglass. He understands the urgency going on and makes Link get going on his adventure. He's grumpy, but with reason to be. And he knows he has to get everyone to do things and exactly how. Plus, he snatches the hourglass when you hover-hold it above you. He don't take no nonsense, whipersnapper!

But the best one to me is Impa. Specifically, the Impa from Skyward Sword in her old maid form. She comforts drama queens feeling useless, shows you how to save the world and understands exactly how great the risk is. And you see her development to the person she is over the course of the game.

Best Secondary Characters

The little tidbits behind the scenes will always make you look on and feel more for the characters. Each game will be merited on their secondary characters in my opinion (the best ones) and ranked. Few full stories can have 4 characters.

Twilight Princess. Sure, Ilia is sweet, Colin is a badass and the postman was just epic, but a good amount of the characters are just sort of bland. We have a ragtag team of fighters, a flirty barlady, a shaman, a bomb expert and other small characters who all fit tropes so closely it's almost predictable. Thay don't annoy anyone, but there's no lasting impact from a lot of these people, and that's probably worse.

Then there's Ocarina of Time. Everyone enjoys Saria, who fills Link's childhood with kind smiles and songs and such a strong love interest. Malon is a sweet friend to all animals when you meet her as a child, and even as an adult she's cute and caring to her horse friends. Nabooru was motivated, complex and even flirted with Link like the worlds biggest MILF. Kaepora Gaebora was... And thus OOT comes here.

Phantom Hourglass comes next for the guy that would have been called a companion if he was a bit more over the shoulder talking at you and less hide in a barrel. Linebeck has awesome development as his backstory comes out and he holds the sword up to Beldum. The other guys are a bit lack-luster, but LINEBECK!!! A guy so cool he got a legacy character in Spirit Tracks.

In their darkest tale with the most sub-plots, we find ourself Majoras Mask. From the Happy mask salesman to Romani, the innocent girl who could get lobotomised if you don't save her. Every character has interesting tales of guilt or loss, and you feel the need to help every single one of them.

Then Wind Waker. You have your kind old grandmother, the thief girl, the smarmy shopkeeper, the lovers who are SO meant to be, the teacher, the pirates... Every character is fun and interesting, not just in how they act but in how they grow. While this game has Tingle, it's not the game that INVENTED him, so this wins.

And then we have Skyward Sword. Pipit wants to be a knight but can barely afford it, yet has a romantic interest so obviously returned (SO obviously) with Karane. Crawlin also likes Karane, and even wrote a love letter, but he has better chances with the ghost that lives in the toilet. You can date or break the heart of the item shopkeeper, all the while being careful of her daddy. And Groose? Google him and love the character. Every single minor character has plenty of development to keep you interested.

Best New Species

This is a fantasy adventure, so we will have plenty of creatures to interact with. Here are the best species introduced in a game as I see it.

Twilight Princess I don't think actually introduces anything beyond the Yeti. If any creature is said to newly control a large portion of the kingdom, it's the cats. Goblins are cleared from a village, so the cats swoop in and take it for their own. Louise rules the roost in castle town FAR beyond all the puppies in the back streets.

Skyward Sword contains three forms of surface dwelling species. Mogma, who I think of as Brooklyn gang moles; Kikwi, who mix hedgehogs and shrubs, and remove the courage; Ancient robots, which is just a bizarre enough idea that I can accept it as cool.

So then we have Phantom Hourglass. I love the Anouki, even though I don't know what they were smoking when they were born. Are they penquin eskimos? They're simple minded and easily panicking, and seem incapable of lies. They are so fun that they come here despite being the only new race worth noting.

Wink Waker turns old species into new ones, by evolving fish people into bird people (skipping lizard people sadly) and making kids into tree sprouts. The Ruto use their wings cleverly and start to deliver letters while forming the old home of the Gorons into a nice tribe area. The Korok have a festival and plant trees all around, trying to spread the deku plants. I vastly prefer the Ruto, actually.

In Ocarina of Time, they introduced three main species to rule certain places. The Gorons, a rock species that have a brotherhood and macho manliness; the Zoras, a noble fish species that live in the springs; the Kokiri, a peter pan village of what amounts to wood elves. Considering how creepy even the cheeriest Kokiri is when a man turns into a monster, you can see why they're here. The species improved in many ways over the many games, but they started strong right from here.

That's part two. I wonder what I'll stuff into part three.