The Zelda Awards, part 3

Bla bla opening spiel. Let's get on with part three!

Best World Map

Hyrule has taken many many forms in its years. At one point, it was a lush field highly divided. At another, it was just wet. Every fantasy needs its kingdom, and here's the best renditions of it.

Skyward Sword, despite being highly varied in the world map, was a little lacking. It was highly dense, allowing you to traverse the dense woods and honestly believe them to be as dense as depicted. The mountain was tall and fun to climb. The desert was an interesting puzzle to not drown in. The sky was remarkably large. However, it is the freaking sky, so it could have been larger and had more stuff in it. Aside from Skyloft and the thundercloud, I only used the sky to get to other non-sky places. And on the ground, I was really hoping I could find a way between the various regions. The game was plenty epic, but it could have been bigger.

Ocarina of Time has a very good map. The castle, the lake, the zora's domain, the massive mountain... Every place was distinct and suited to the atmosphere it needed. It was much easier to get lost in the lost woods than in other games. However, a number of issues can be raised. The desert didn't seem as big given you can barely see ten feet, the woods was more separated by rock than tree, death mountain seemed a lot more horizontal than vertical, some shortcuts seemed a little too quick for the distance travelled and the civilised world seemed a little divided.

Twilight princess comes next. It reflected the OOT map closely with a few changes for practicality, the desert seemed freaking enormous, the woods were very woodsy, the fields were large and sprawling and the castle stood in the middle of the kingdom. Again, my issue with death mountain is the horizontal feeling it gives and the desert was something that irked me in its connection, as there is no non-magical method to return from that landscape. And if you hadn't scoured every section of the desert, like me, and found the twilight portal, there's only one way to get there.

And the winner is Wind Waker. It's one of the only other contenders with Hyrule in it, albeit a heavily flooded version. Literally every square has something interesting in it. You can be sailing far and not see anything in any direction, which really adds to size. Along the way, you can accidentally find another island and hunt down the painter fish, find a beacon of light and search for treasure, or notice an outpost and kill some bokoblins. My only issue is that it supposedly correlates to Hyrule below it, but looking at old hyrule, there aren't many mountains, and they're definitely not close enough for them all to walk that distance. And how did the Kokiri get that tree inside a mountain?

Best Artstyle

This is subjective, but I have to be honest. And there's not a lot to say, so this will be a short section.

Ocarina of Time was limited by the console capabilities, but it still has to be judged. Not even the ground was that smooth, and the style suffers for it.

Wind Waker went for cell shaded cartoonish art which I find quite appealing. It allowed for good expression, and not one creature in the game looked particularly silly. Except the Chus, but they're always silly.

Twilight Princess went for realism, and it works. The blond became a softer shade of brown, and all creatures had to become what they would realistically be, which was quite a think. The darknuts looked as strong as they ever did in this.

Skyward Sword took the best of both worlds, going with the soft cell shading of Wind Waker and the realism of Twilight Princess. The result was perfect for the world and the creatures they wanted to show, and the first time I saw it, I approved.

Best Sidequests

A world only has depth when everything in it is not a flat cardboard cutout of a person made to fill the space. To develop the minorest of minor characters, you give them sidequests. This also helps to fill the game time, handily enough. This excludes minigames.

Twilight Princess had several sidequests: Agitha's bug ball, Jovani's curse, Goron Spring Water and Magic Armour. None of these are as valuable as the benefits would claim, considering your 1000 rupee limit and the difficulty in finding all those grottos.

Ocarina of Time did not have many sidequests in its world. Everything seemed to progress the main story, or wasn't worth creating. To my memory, there are four sidequests: the house of skulltula, the happy mask salesman, Epona and the biggoron sword. Epona was also a feature that substantially makes the game easier and faster, Biggoron was a guide-dang-it of the century, I'm not sure if anyone actually found it worth while to beat the skulltula curse and the mask quest was over before it started, if you knew where to go.

Wind Waker had a good number of side quests, given the simplicity to wind up doing something you weren't meant to. The Goron Merchants, the pair of shy lovers, the moon lover, the poor to rich girl, the rich to poor thief girl, the Koron tree planting and so many others. And none of them feel tiring! Well, the tree planting...

Skyward Sword comes next, with its bunch of gratitude crystals. The sidequest as a whole is a surprise, given how you're prepared for a fight to protect Skyloft, and suddenly you have to make every member happy. You learn more about them, find stuff that fell or never was in the sky to begin with, use your skills or even just use a love letter for crap-wipe. And it keeps you interested. Plus the boss-rush...

And finally, Majora's Mask. There are twenty masks. Very few are for the storyline. You work out why MM is on top here.

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And that's part three. I'm nearing the end, here. 

The Zelda Awards, Part 2

There is a LOT of stuff in Zelda. A LOT. This will not be the last entry.

Best Non-Ganon Villain

There's more than one son of a bitch in Hyrule who tries to conquer everything and bring chaos. These may be secondary, but they might equally be the only guy you actually pay attention to. Majora's Mask isn't included since I haven't played that game.

I put Beldam last. You remember Beldum? No? There's a reason. He was the main villain in Phantom Hourglass, but was nothing compared to Ganondorf and so undeveloped it's a little sad. He provides a dang interesting final battle, but he still comes at the bottom of the list.

From Twilight Princess, we have the Twilight Usurper Zant. He was a self-entitled whiner who got uppity about not controlling the twilight and borrowed Ganondorf's power to take it by force. Why is he second from the bottom? Because he really goes downhill the more you learn about him. Halfway through, the scene at the lake has him effortlessly undo everything you have just done whilst taunting Midna with smooth badassery. Near the end, he's twirling around the room and moaning about you reclaiming the throne he stole, thinking Ganon controlling him is a partnership. If a villain goes insane, he has to stay cool.

And then comes Ghirahim. This whole thing was made because of a debate I got in about Zant vs Ghirahim. From Skyward Sword, we have a living tool who was jeering and calm when it suits him, able to steal a sword from you and use it as his weapon. Then he starts stripping and busting moves and being much less calm, but he's always so smooth he remains badass. He sends waves of enemies at you just to buy time, creates a game of stabbing sword sumo. He knows he's a tool, and he lives to work towards this. And every time I fight him or see him in a cutscene, I enjoy it. It was two against one supporting Zant in the debate, and heavily justified.

But one guy trumped the debate. He was mentioned, discussed, and agreed to be awesome. King Bulbin, also from Twilight Princess, is the guy who kidnaps your friends, jousts you twice, duels you twice and only says the following: "Enough! I fight for the strongest side. That is all I've ever known". He's fun to fight before he's developed, one dialogue box is used to develop him and he's a perfectly believable character. Bulbin was far better than the supposed penultimate boss.

Best Old Maid Character

This happens so often. An old character provides wisdom to you, guiding you on your quest and giving a sense of age to the world you're in. And we love them for that. Okay, not THAT many, but there's still a good number.

The closest OOT had was Rauru, who showed up once. There's a lot of characters who take on small sections of advice for you, but no single Old Maid character. And thinking of it, the closest you have in TP is Impaz/Renado, and they're not quite there. So we bring you the others.

Spirit Tracks brings Anjeen, the Lokomo maid who can maintain a prison and try and fight a poopface at the same time. She acts cheekily when giving the advice she has, not so subtly makes Zelda follow you, and is a pretty cool character. Not much happens, though, so she comes here.

Then there's Oshus from Phantom Hourglass. He understands the urgency going on and makes Link get going on his adventure. He's grumpy, but with reason to be. And he knows he has to get everyone to do things and exactly how. Plus, he snatches the hourglass when you hover-hold it above you. He don't take no nonsense, whipersnapper!

But the best one to me is Impa. Specifically, the Impa from Skyward Sword in her old maid form. She comforts drama queens feeling useless, shows you how to save the world and understands exactly how great the risk is. And you see her development to the person she is over the course of the game.

Best Secondary Characters

The little tidbits behind the scenes will always make you look on and feel more for the characters. Each game will be merited on their secondary characters in my opinion (the best ones) and ranked. Few full stories can have 4 characters.

Twilight Princess. Sure, Ilia is sweet, Colin is a badass and the postman was just epic, but a good amount of the characters are just sort of bland. We have a ragtag team of fighters, a flirty barlady, a shaman, a bomb expert and other small characters who all fit tropes so closely it's almost predictable. Thay don't annoy anyone, but there's no lasting impact from a lot of these people, and that's probably worse.

Then there's Ocarina of Time. Everyone enjoys Saria, who fills Link's childhood with kind smiles and songs and such a strong love interest. Malon is a sweet friend to all animals when you meet her as a child, and even as an adult she's cute and caring to her horse friends. Nabooru was motivated, complex and even flirted with Link like the worlds biggest MILF. Kaepora Gaebora was... And thus OOT comes here.

Phantom Hourglass comes next for the guy that would have been called a companion if he was a bit more over the shoulder talking at you and less hide in a barrel. Linebeck has awesome development as his backstory comes out and he holds the sword up to Beldum. The other guys are a bit lack-luster, but LINEBECK!!! A guy so cool he got a legacy character in Spirit Tracks.

In their darkest tale with the most sub-plots, we find ourself Majoras Mask. From the Happy mask salesman to Romani, the innocent girl who could get lobotomised if you don't save her. Every character has interesting tales of guilt or loss, and you feel the need to help every single one of them.

Then Wind Waker. You have your kind old grandmother, the thief girl, the smarmy shopkeeper, the lovers who are SO meant to be, the teacher, the pirates... Every character is fun and interesting, not just in how they act but in how they grow. While this game has Tingle, it's not the game that INVENTED him, so this wins.

And then we have Skyward Sword. Pipit wants to be a knight but can barely afford it, yet has a romantic interest so obviously returned (SO obviously) with Karane. Crawlin also likes Karane, and even wrote a love letter, but he has better chances with the ghost that lives in the toilet. You can date or break the heart of the item shopkeeper, all the while being careful of her daddy. And Groose? Google him and love the character. Every single minor character has plenty of development to keep you interested.

Best New Species

This is a fantasy adventure, so we will have plenty of creatures to interact with. Here are the best species introduced in a game as I see it.

Twilight Princess I don't think actually introduces anything beyond the Yeti. If any creature is said to newly control a large portion of the kingdom, it's the cats. Goblins are cleared from a village, so the cats swoop in and take it for their own. Louise rules the roost in castle town FAR beyond all the puppies in the back streets.

Skyward Sword contains three forms of surface dwelling species. Mogma, who I think of as Brooklyn gang moles; Kikwi, who mix hedgehogs and shrubs, and remove the courage; Ancient robots, which is just a bizarre enough idea that I can accept it as cool.

So then we have Phantom Hourglass. I love the Anouki, even though I don't know what they were smoking when they were born. Are they penquin eskimos? They're simple minded and easily panicking, and seem incapable of lies. They are so fun that they come here despite being the only new race worth noting.

Wink Waker turns old species into new ones, by evolving fish people into bird people (skipping lizard people sadly) and making kids into tree sprouts. The Ruto use their wings cleverly and start to deliver letters while forming the old home of the Gorons into a nice tribe area. The Korok have a festival and plant trees all around, trying to spread the deku plants. I vastly prefer the Ruto, actually.

In Ocarina of Time, they introduced three main species to rule certain places. The Gorons, a rock species that have a brotherhood and macho manliness; the Zoras, a noble fish species that live in the springs; the Kokiri, a peter pan village of what amounts to wood elves. Considering how creepy even the cheeriest Kokiri is when a man turns into a monster, you can see why they're here. The species improved in many ways over the many games, but they started strong right from here.

That's part two. I wonder what I'll stuff into part three.

The Zelda Awards, Part 1

I have just gotten into a debate about Zelda, so I thought I'd share my thoughts.

Please note, I have not played every Zelda game. This knowledge comes from the 3D games, which I have played quite a bit or have learned enough about I can comment on them. There may be some spoilers.

Best Link

Link is a silent protagonist. He has very little, if any, personality. He barely has a name, considering he can be named whatever you like (I go for Ralin). If he does, it's mainly what you're feeling as you play him, but occasionally his personality will show in the animation or character relations. The best Link is the one who shows the most of his own personality.

OOT/MM Link were scarcely animated, if at all. They showed some emotion, but it was mainly just him looking startled or angry. (I remember those eyes so vividly as he approaches battle, treasure or even a puppy)

With Twilight Princess, you have more animation. You can see he has a love interest and a good care for many characters, following this quest through a mixture of a birthmark and a despair for his friends. Still, he's not elaborated on beyond the love interest, since he's the guy fighting for the real main character's cause.

Skyward Sword has probably the most detail in facial animation, giving Zelda soft and tender looks, Groose a few optional insults and having a look of enormous panic as shit hair goes down.

And finally, my favourite Link is Wind Waker's. The art style allows for over the top expressions and therefore more expression as, say, he screams for his life or he celebrates another character's continued life. His motivation is probably the best, since he technically was never chosen. He couldn't see the heroes clothes his grandmother gave him and only actually went with the pirates to rescue his sister. Once he saved his sister, he was in so deep that only a massive jerk would ditch the mission. At the end, he's a hero for real and has his heart set on adventure. That is why he wins.

Best Zelda

It's her legend (somehow). She's important to quite a few stories. Not MM, cause she's only in one scene to teach a song. Let's not focus on that.

Twilight Princess comes in last. She barely acts. Honestly, I like the design, but she is so stoic it's unbelievable. The most her expression changes is a widening of the eyes before she says (in I assume monotone) she knows about Midna and then sacrifices herself to heal her. She was more interesting as the Tennis Boss.

Then comes OOT. She's got child-like innocence and awesome mystery in the different time periods, and she is a lot more expressive than Link. She knows something bad is happening, so tells Link to help stop it, and then tries to atone in ninja costume when things go belly-up. She does lose points for revealing herself to Link for no real reason, and then being helplessly kidnapped when she was a ninja moments ago.

Then comes a tough closeness. I put Spirit Tracks Zelda here because she is hella-developed. She's your bleeding companion. She worries for her close ones, has the best freak out scene and "damsel in distress" line of all time, and shows herself to be both helpful and enjoyable to see. Even if she doesn't have a stomach.

Then comes Skyward Sword. The Zelda that, if I could, I would hit on. Playfully pushing Link off of a floating sky-rock, actively helping Link whenever she can (harp, loftwing, magical powers), and having an explanation for why the legend is about her. She was even a designated hero reward as designed by a now mortal goddess just so Link would get off his sorry arse and save the world.

And the winner? Wind Waker. Again. Not because of Zelda, but because of Tetra, the pirate girl who travels around and founds new Hyrule. She's snarky and brash, yet understanding enough to manipulate her crew and live in a basement. She joins Link in the final battle, apologises for oversleeping, then proceeds to try and shoot Ganondorf with a magic arrow. She's a fun, yet empathetic Zelda.

Best Ganon(dorf)

Ganondorf was around from the first game, even if he was in his superpowered form. He is the ultimate evil in Hyrule, and will always be there to try and smack Link in the face. He needs development. Big time.

At the bottom is OOT. Sure, he was interesting. From the top of his horse at the start of the game, you know he's one to fear and a man you will enjoy fighting. He's manipulative and forceful, trying to starve creatures for a gem and using a snot-nosed kid to enter the sacred realm when he can't get there first. He was probably the most cautious planner in the game, and a very worthy Ganondorf. And he was fun to fight, too!

Then we have SS. This is technical, since it's more the source of everything that became Ganon. Demise was strong and fearsome, being a looming force that grew exponentially stronger as time passed, and badass enough he was willing to duel a kid that had just beaten his servant time and time again to see who is the strongest. He's fun to fight in his sealed (yet larger) form and tonnes of fun and challenge to fight as the hulk with a lightning sword. He does lose a lot of points for technically not being Ganon.

Then we have Twilight Princess. He is so menacing! I walked into the throne room and saw him leaning on his palm, smiling. He was executed (got better), sent into a different realm of existence, made a lunatic invade the place that executed him, then forced you to attack the princess, turned into a giant boar, killed your companion off-screen, summoned ghost knights to fight you in a horseback duel and finally fought you one on one in which you had to STAB HIM THROUGH THE CHEST to finally kill him. And he still had time to swear his vengeance before every form of life support hesitantly stopped supporting him. Not developed, but definitely fearsome.

And then there's Wind Waker. Again. They really nailed their main characters. He's threatening the whole way, being the guy quietly fighting people above land to get control of the world below the land. He drains power from the thing that killed him last time, slowly regains his powers, waits for the princess to reveal herself again (she needs to stop doing that!), then kidnaps her for her triforce piece. Then takes yours, which you got just to fight him. And then he explains exactly why he tried to take over Hyrule and why he's still after it. He only actively tries to kill you when his dream is stolen, where he laughs like a madman and pulls out swords. Even then, he sheaths his sword to simply backhand Zelda and smiles in the wind of Hyrule after being STABBED IN THE HEAD! The most sympathetic villain yet.

Best companion

You always have someone follow you around, telling you where to go and what you should do, whether or not you're doing that at that moment. Spirit Tracks is not included, since that one has Zelda.

Skyward Sword comes last, since Fi is pretty bland. She was made to be a little appealing with numbers and "what you would call sadness" in her speech, but then there's her telling you there's a 90% chance that the thing we want is exactly where someone said the thing is or that an obvious symbol is related to the wall someone said is linked to a symbol. And her ringing of "your health is/batteries are low". It flashes for a reason. Fi. She does gain points for having to deduce that the talking shrub is not Zelda.

Navi. I don't have to say anything about why she annoys- HEY! I am not pressing that button just so you can tell he the mountain I am climbing looks odd. But as a metaphor for childhood innocence, she's dramatic and despite the anger, you felt a little something when she flew off. And it wasn't forced. Fi, I don't care.

Then there's King of Red Lions from WW. You're a King with loads of regrets, but you don't really do much. You help me travel, but in terms of hints or reminders, you just sit there. You're integral to the plot, but you're only barely a companion. It's the character that makes you here, not the actual gameplay.

Winning this round? Twilight Princess with the Twilight born imp lady Midna. She instantly gains your attention from her presence and taunting, seeming so mean and uncaring to everything you do and being enjoyed for that. When Zelda goes, she starts to really bond with you and her uncaring nature dissolves, but her sass stays right where it is. She even gets resurrected and jokes about Link not saying anything. And then there's her final goodbye which needed no help in moving the audience.

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These were the first four categories, and I look forward to working on the next lot.

Slender

A tall, slim and pale creature who exists from the purest of fears, inspiring them much the same. No eyes, and always watching those who he chooses for whatever purpose he may have. A mystery beyond all else in existence that has started hundreds to search him out, and thousands to run in terror.

With such power to ruin records of himself, take lives at a whim, be everywhere, control people to reach his victims and put his victims through agonising mental torture, I must be in possession of the most deranged mind to think that he would be a brilliant starting point for comedy.

You're probably agreeing with the deranged mind thing right now, but hear me out.

Slender is scary. Pure fear. And that is wonderful. It's so rare we get something as simple and terrifying as him to haunt out nightmares and create video games and I genuinely want him to be around for a great deal longer.

But as much as I admire him, I don't like to be scared as much as others do, so I can't exactly read or watch his mythos. And with there being so much of the mythos, there's obviously going to be errors and clichés that folks can have a laugh at. There's even a bingo for blogs where if they have the camera man's feet in shot, have codespeak, have coughing, Slenderman is just chilling in the back or they're just plain and simply trying to be Everyman HYBRID. Surely you must agree there's a good source of parody in there!

I don't want to make Slender any less scary, and, with the right writing, he won't be. If you just make fun of people's various adaptations and the various methods of survival, along with the comedic main character, you can keep the Slender Man himself scary as ever. At most, there's a light hope spot for the people Slender isn't after.

It's not something many people would think to do, because you like the fear too much and don't think you could pull it off. But if it's well known that Slender's favourite song is "Gimme 20 Dollars" and he still scares the bajingo out of me, I think this could be alright.

The problem with the nonsense

In an old xkcd comic, it was pointed out that Monty Python, famed for its liberal application of nonsensical sketches and the utterly hilarious madness, has been quoted word for word for years. Whilst this is a decent tribute to the original words, it doesn't keep with the spirit, as things stop becoming nonsense when it's something everyone knows.

Heck, even one of the cast members decided to change the parrot sketch during a live performance by responding to "well, it's dead" with "oh, yes it is. Let me get you a refund."

But I've noticed that it's not merely Monty Python. Every iteration of every form of nonsense comedy we have is always said and done almost exactly the same.

Asdfmovie? You know the animation, you remember the skits, you can probably say them line for line. Which is weird, because the sketches are designed to be as random as possible, while the quotes are always the exact same script.

Same with Alice in Wonderland. When you think of wonderland, you might thing of Alice falling down a rabbit hole and landing in a hallway; you might think of mushrooms and caterpillars; you might think of the queen of hearts decapitating at every opportunity; you might think of the hare and the hatter having tea; you might think of cabbages and kings. And this is because this is what you were told during the original book.

The sequel was only related to the first by the main character, the author, and the name of the place she was in. Why would he do this? Because wonderland is nonsense that happens in an order that can only really make sense to the person experiencing it, and they only buy it due to willing suspense of disbelief.

And every time anyone bases something in wonderland, it's the original with choice pieces of the sequel and everything is the same, which flies in the face of wonderland's concept. Not only should it be different for each person, given it's a dream world, but it's different every time they visit.

You may not want to have Alice in Wonderland without the hatter, because he's such a staple that you'd be mad not to have him, but I have to remind you "we're all a little mad here".

My wonderland will have several things unique to it. Firstly, there will be snow at some point, because snow's cool. Secondly, there will be a woman in a dark wooded area trying to play on a heavily broken guitar while keeping only the loosest grasp on what's going on around her. This is based on the film Pixel Perfect when one of the characters goes into the mind of another (as they're in a coma) and sees her with a broken guitar.

There will also be a space ship, because they rock.

Please, to my two remaining readers, make sure you honour the spirit of the nonsense by adding in something unexpected.

Eg: "It worked! My time machine worked!" "Ug but rock on stick! Checkmate!"

[Update] Basically, what happened with Eric Idle in the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

Olympia

Drinking game! Take a shot every time anything on British television mentions the olympics, either written or spoken! Rerun's don't count, as we want you to survive.

Back in 2004-ish, it was announced that Britain will be hosting the 2012 Olympic Games, and everyone was happy. People of my age were often told "you'll be old enough to compete in the Olympics" as a reason for us to be sporty. Cups were being designed, competitions were run, planning and all that.

But it's been 8 years of "hey, we're doing the olympics" and I am really looking forward to September.

If you couldn't guess, I am a massive geek and not over sport. I didn't watch the Beijing Olympics, I don't follow the athletes' stories, I don't swoon over the torch and have never been particularly won over by the hype of anything. If I celebrate the games at all, it'll be by playing a video game with a competition related theme or watching Grifball.

It especially doesn't help that most stories we hear about it give an indication that it won't be as amazing as everyone's telling themselves. The clock broke after 24 hours, the opening has a deleted scene, and the rest of it seems a little wacky, everyone's short staffed, there's a snake in Boris Johnson's boot, the tickets were managed horrendously...

Let me explain using an analogy. Imagine a concert was announced for Carly Rae Jepsen and everyone is excited about it. T-shirts are being designed through competitions, the venue is being renovated, and the whole world is expected to turn up for it.

But since there's a limited number of tickets, we'll use a wacky method of selling them! Instead of first come, first serve, we'll make it a lottery where it costs buckloads for a set of tickets, and you have to cross your fingers that you got the ones you wanted! If you got the wrong number of tickets, or they're for the wrong venue, then good luck trying to sell them without seeming immoral.

So, to increase your chances of getting the right tickets, you book more than you want! This works right until the moment where you get every ticket you booked. That's too many! How can you be expected to afford this? This went badly!

Oh no! Asbestos in the arena! We'll have to remodel! Assuming the venue is ready by the concert date, it will be expected to cost twice as much as initially thought! But hopefully, tourism will help to balance the chequebook, since Jepsen's such a big attraction.

Hey, it seems that every marketing department in the world realised this too! Why, it only makes sense to make a profit from this. So they have Call Me Maybe play over their ads, or even have Jepsen hersalf appear in the advert, and wrap it off by claiming to be sponsoring the concert. After all, people will love Jepsen enough to buy literally everything that sponsors it, right? Not just the decent stuff? Sturgeon's Law doesn't apply to us, does it?

Then the marketing departments of the non-sponsors realises they missed out, and their competitors are doing better because they're an official sponsor. Well then, they'll have to sponsor someone else popular! Taylor Swift's pretty popular, isn't she? Or maybe we'll get Rebecca Black!

And then you have to expect every company that has any ties to the concert to create some bit of merchandice for the concert, putting her concert logo or her face on anything that people might barely want. Cups, travel mugs, coasters, pillows, desks, dvds, ancient documents, books, bookmarks, socks, beddings and who else knows is adorned in either her or music to drum up sales of their hot water bottles. Because everyone will buy this blister pad so they can look back on the time Carly Rae Jepsen played in their countries concert hall.

And the news can't stop going on about the concert, mentioning their plans to either increase security, fix the toilets, shoot down die-hard Rhianna fans, run their opening act, sell drinks at the minibars in hotels for high prices or run a boombox across the M25.

But it will all be worth it when the concert begins and fans will have a good couple of weeks to enjoy everything the last campaign of media hype has been leading to.

...Unless you dislike her music and would much rather just watch doctor who, in which case you've been tormented by her face for the past I don't know how long and endured a stupid overplayed and unoriginal meme for something you honestly don't give a sh*t about.

Basically, what I'm saying is GO AWAY, CARLY RAE JEPSON!


Oh, and the Olympics is overplayed.

Words

This is a nitpick, but it's a word that just bugs me.

Threshold

You don't see it, do you? Nothing?

See, it's pronounced (from Dictionary.reference.com) thresh-hohld. Always spelt like that and always pronounced like that, but it just doesn't look like it should work like that.


With the spelling, it should be pronounced either thresh-old or thres-hold. The second is madness, while the first makes me feel like I'm using a white van man accent, and even then I slightly use the H. The letter h is pulling double duty as the h for 'hold' and the h in the 'sh' sound.


If it were spelt as it's pronounced, it would have two h-es back to back, which looks weird. Threshhold.


Just a nitpick, but it bugs me.