Ok, I've just seen the latest Torchwood episode, and if I didn't comment on it, I'd have the most inconsistent blog ever. So, here goes.
Doctor who
An amazing show. There's a new story nearly every week it's on air, but a consistent plot running throughout. Whether the main character (The doctor) is solving a murder mystery with Agatha Christie, or his spaceship has been put inside a woman and the actual box is run by a sentient rock, there's a simple character running across all dimensions and having zany adventures.
...Writing that, I realize it sounds ruddy daft. OK. An immortal being known, as the Doctor, from a powerful race of Time Lords, steals a sentient box from his people before the show begins (even the classic form). The box, known as the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space) allows for travel to anywhere and anywhen. The power within it can shut off the sun, win wars in less time than it takes for Rebecca Black to annoy you, and ended and rebooted the entire universe.
Why did the Doctor do it? To sight-see.
He picks up companions, he sends pirates out to space, he replaces every cell he has when he's about to die. Depending on where the box wants to land, he could be in a silly adventure where he has to live with a guy who likes a girl or a scary adventure in a temple of living statues that can do terrible things when you can't see them. Whatever he's doing, it's a great watch for the entire family.
Love it.
Sarah Jane Adventures
Then there's the Sarah Jane Adventures. A former traveling companion of the Doctor's decides to settle down in an off-focus London road with a Zylok supercomputer. She can't exactly leave her old life behind, so all of the alien activity within a short driving distance gets investigated by her, her adopted perfect human son, and a specific selection of his friends.
The series went really well, as it wasn't over-cheesing itself or putting a silly clown nose on everything with teeth, despite being aimed more for kids. It acts like any serious sci-fi would, being as clever as it's parent show with it's reveal and just thinking "the universe really is a wonderful thing".
Rest in Peace, Elisabeth Sladen.
Torchwood
A former dead former companion and former time-agent known as Captain Jack Harkness decides to try and track down the Doctor by sitting in a rift in Cardiff. This takes a while, and he decides to pass the time by gathering a team and dealing with the less than pleasant creatures roaming the streets. This is... less child friendly.
With the third season, they stopped going for weekly adventures and decided to have a long adventure where something horrific befalls humanity and we have to deal with it. It does not just say "the universe is full of big meanies" but follows up with "we are too". It's the pessimist version.
I have to say, I made the entire blog just to criticize Torchwood. It's just... not a good show. Some shows can make themselves darker than the original, but Torchwood just went a bit too dark. And don't get me started on 'Children of Earth'.
The season 'Children of Earth' is based on a species that use children as drugs, and command humanity to give them however many kids they want. Humanity would more likely just say "you want a bunch of our kids? F off mate! I will shoot you!" instead of "oh, a deadly alien race that won't even show themselves. Let's cow-toe to their every beck and call."
And the solution was thrown together in the last 5 minutes and clearly only thought up as the most horrifying solution, aside from the most practical. I believe there's a term for an ending like the one they used: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AssPull
Pretty sure the idea of doctor who is that the universe is amazing, and you should totally check out all it's glorious bits. Torchwood says that is is horrifying, and any contact we have with them will result in complete devastation.
The you learn of the gorn that results from immortal characters. Christ...
So, Doctor Who is amazing, Sarah Jane Adventures is a very worthy follow-on, Torchwood pains me with how it has to be canon.
I'll speak in a nicer tone of voice next time.
Saturday 16 July 2011
Wednesday 13 July 2011
Action Heroes
Not talking about super heroes this time. Honestly, I'd talk about the powers as a topic more realistically, but that's neither here nor there. This is about action films and, guess what, my pet peeves in the genre that I actually quite enjoy if they can balance the drama with the loveability of the characters.
Most action films will contain three characters: the hero, the sidekick, and the girl. This is the team, and the genders of each member can change but a few basic facts will always happen.
The sidekick may already know the hero, or may just be interested in why that weird guy on the bus is holding that pretty stick with a demon coming out of the- oh shiv. He will follow along with the hero in whatever quest they're going on, but his helpfulness will be easily matched by a laptop with wheels in a hamster ball.
If anything, he'll make it more difficult by paying the attention most normal people would to a temple of the other-world candles, putting the hero into a death trap. No motorcycle chases for you, you're only allowed to ride in the van making unhelpful satire. All you're allowed to do is make sure there's a guy following the hero in all his dangerous situations so the audience knows which guy is impressive. Spoiler alert: it's not you.
The girl is something added to have an instant romance subplot. Maybe she's the interesting girl in the test-tube who the main character met and fell in love with for a reason other than how she wasn't grown with a t-shirt. Maybe she's the girl who got in the taxi with the bomb the hero was disarming that never thought "maybe I'll ask him to pull over for a second". Maybe she's the hero's former summer fling.
All we know is that she will give playful snarks to the hero, because that is literally all that is needed for a movie relationship. She will be less helpful than the sidekick, in that she will be kidnapped every twelve seconds by, get this, an elbow hold.
Also, she will get a happily ever after with the hero right up to the point that a sequel is announced when she is completely forgotten by the series. It's upsetting that so many relationships are killed by action film sequels.
Then there's the hero.
He's a nob.
Oh, you want me to elaborate? Alright. He is a ruggedly handsome bad boy who, for some often weakly explained motive, wants to find the MacGuffin before the generic bad guys (either a vaguely mentioned Soviet Union or the Nazis) get it and use it to brush their evil teeth or whatever the MacGuffin does. By merit of being the hero, he get's all the glory and the girl swoons for him.
And he's just that certain level of badass where he can do superb stunts that you and I would struggle to do as well as he did, but just bad enough to fail right up until the last second where he attained a victory that a trained marine would have managed. In Galaxy Quest, the self-destruct timer doesn't actually stop until it reaches 1 second, even if you hit the button to deactivate it.
I'm bored of this, aren't you?
I want to see a hero win a fight efficiently enough to not fall off a cliff afterwards. I want to see the girl turn down the hero because, oh yeah, you threw her out of a plane. I want someone to notice the hero just punched someone to get a free drink. I want the girl to realize the sidekick is a way better catch than the hero. I want the sidekick to be as good as the audience he represents, and not doom all of humanity, but realize pushing the do not push button is a bad idea. I want a more real action hero. Not a Hollywood "you like this guy" protagonist.
Most action films will contain three characters: the hero, the sidekick, and the girl. This is the team, and the genders of each member can change but a few basic facts will always happen.
The sidekick may already know the hero, or may just be interested in why that weird guy on the bus is holding that pretty stick with a demon coming out of the- oh shiv. He will follow along with the hero in whatever quest they're going on, but his helpfulness will be easily matched by a laptop with wheels in a hamster ball.
If anything, he'll make it more difficult by paying the attention most normal people would to a temple of the other-world candles, putting the hero into a death trap. No motorcycle chases for you, you're only allowed to ride in the van making unhelpful satire. All you're allowed to do is make sure there's a guy following the hero in all his dangerous situations so the audience knows which guy is impressive. Spoiler alert: it's not you.
The girl is something added to have an instant romance subplot. Maybe she's the interesting girl in the test-tube who the main character met and fell in love with for a reason other than how she wasn't grown with a t-shirt. Maybe she's the girl who got in the taxi with the bomb the hero was disarming that never thought "maybe I'll ask him to pull over for a second". Maybe she's the hero's former summer fling.
All we know is that she will give playful snarks to the hero, because that is literally all that is needed for a movie relationship. She will be less helpful than the sidekick, in that she will be kidnapped every twelve seconds by, get this, an elbow hold.
Also, she will get a happily ever after with the hero right up to the point that a sequel is announced when she is completely forgotten by the series. It's upsetting that so many relationships are killed by action film sequels.
Then there's the hero.
He's a nob.
Oh, you want me to elaborate? Alright. He is a ruggedly handsome bad boy who, for some often weakly explained motive, wants to find the MacGuffin before the generic bad guys (either a vaguely mentioned Soviet Union or the Nazis) get it and use it to brush their evil teeth or whatever the MacGuffin does. By merit of being the hero, he get's all the glory and the girl swoons for him.
And he's just that certain level of badass where he can do superb stunts that you and I would struggle to do as well as he did, but just bad enough to fail right up until the last second where he attained a victory that a trained marine would have managed. In Galaxy Quest, the self-destruct timer doesn't actually stop until it reaches 1 second, even if you hit the button to deactivate it.
I'm bored of this, aren't you?
I want to see a hero win a fight efficiently enough to not fall off a cliff afterwards. I want to see the girl turn down the hero because, oh yeah, you threw her out of a plane. I want someone to notice the hero just punched someone to get a free drink. I want the girl to realize the sidekick is a way better catch than the hero. I want the sidekick to be as good as the audience he represents, and not doom all of humanity, but realize pushing the do not push button is a bad idea. I want a more real action hero. Not a Hollywood "you like this guy" protagonist.
Thursday 7 July 2011
Off-worlders
They are not called aliens. I want to say that right off.
Aliens literally means outsider, and could therefore include the french, so you'd need something specific for people from another world. Plus, we've been raised calling every non-earth resident to be an alien, and that would be rude to say on another world. I prefer to think of it as Off-worlders and natives, the first being anyone from a world besides the one you're on and the other being, well, native.
Another thing about the term alien is we often call it an alien world. I'm sorry, but what alienates that world? Ours is pretty solitary, and there's little that separates Altorn from Mars. Alien world is the biggest misnomer I've ever heard.
So, getting more to the nitpicking. Alien stereotypes.
A good reason I like the film 'Paul' is that it addresses almost every stereotype. If something addresses why it uses standard designs, I tend to enjoy it more.
Both Paul and Doctor who state why we have that design. Paul says we got the design off of him to get us used to his species in case of contact. Doctor who has the silence exist in a latent memory, seeping into artworks over time.
Tiny little word of victory is that Paul responds to "Are you an alien?" with "To you, yes." In your face?
Another thing. UFO. Unidentified Flying Object. Why not call it what it is: a spacecraft? There. Identified. Now stop using that acronym. It bugs me.
Oh, and if an Off-worlder does land, why would it assume we're the dominant species? The planet is mainly water, so they'd probably guess a fish is more adapted than us. It's a bit weird that I'm using South Park as an example, but they had a species who spoke in cow, so assumed cows to be the most intelligent species.
I guess it's because humans have developed to think we're the start-all and end-all of the universe. We think we're such paragons of good that any alien species is an open target if we dislike them or they try to do to us what we do to cows (who might be the most intelligent creatures).
I'm bored of talking about this now, so I'll stop.
Aliens literally means outsider, and could therefore include the french, so you'd need something specific for people from another world. Plus, we've been raised calling every non-earth resident to be an alien, and that would be rude to say on another world. I prefer to think of it as Off-worlders and natives, the first being anyone from a world besides the one you're on and the other being, well, native.
Another thing about the term alien is we often call it an alien world. I'm sorry, but what alienates that world? Ours is pretty solitary, and there's little that separates Altorn from Mars. Alien world is the biggest misnomer I've ever heard.
So, getting more to the nitpicking. Alien stereotypes.
A good reason I like the film 'Paul' is that it addresses almost every stereotype. If something addresses why it uses standard designs, I tend to enjoy it more.
Both Paul and Doctor who state why we have that design. Paul says we got the design off of him to get us used to his species in case of contact. Doctor who has the silence exist in a latent memory, seeping into artworks over time.
Tiny little word of victory is that Paul responds to "Are you an alien?" with "To you, yes." In your face?
Another thing. UFO. Unidentified Flying Object. Why not call it what it is: a spacecraft? There. Identified. Now stop using that acronym. It bugs me.
Oh, and if an Off-worlder does land, why would it assume we're the dominant species? The planet is mainly water, so they'd probably guess a fish is more adapted than us. It's a bit weird that I'm using South Park as an example, but they had a species who spoke in cow, so assumed cows to be the most intelligent species.
I guess it's because humans have developed to think we're the start-all and end-all of the universe. We think we're such paragons of good that any alien species is an open target if we dislike them or they try to do to us what we do to cows (who might be the most intelligent creatures).
I'm bored of talking about this now, so I'll stop.
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